From Secrets with Men to Romance with Him/Victor Bell

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Description At 5 years old Victor Bell's thoughts came in contact, with a very taboo inclination. While watching a passionate seen on a soap opera, at his babysitter's house, Victor immediately had a desire to be the woman in the scene Yes At 5 years of age, Victor developed a carnal desire to feel everything that a woman does, he even developed a desire to be a girl, and then trauma happened. To feel the void from verbal bullying, and physical abuse from a member of his family Victor's desire to attach more to "what felt good," grew stronger. Along the way Victor became deeply insecure, angry, fearful, prideful, and lustful. The attributes would shape the next 18 years of Victor's life up to the point where Victor accepted being a "down-low homosexual." In addition to an amid use of alcohol, marijuana, and womanizing, Victor consistently embarked on secret nights with men. The surface life and the secret life, gave Victor great joy, great satisfaction, but he would soon find out the satisfaction was only temporary. At the peak of Victor's euphoria, he had insatiable desire for material things, he had massive high and gripping lows, along with a growing cavity of emptiness. Victor was doing everything he could to feed the beast of his flesh. But nevertheless his actions could never hide the mountain of inadequacy that he felt buried deep inside. After falling in love with a beautiful woman, that truly had his best interest at heart, but yet leaning towards just coming out fully as homosexual; Victor was forced to make a decision. Was he born this way, was a decision to be with men inevitable or was there something else greater than his desires that would romance him away?